Random Blog Post #2

Tyrannosaurus rex doesn't know how to have a good time...

World of Warcraft VS Real Life #3

This week's comic, though last minute, is now here! Enjoy. Click for full size. : D

The Wedding

Oh so close, so close. Rolling: So unfair and yet true to justice... Come back Monday for another WoW VS RL!

Cooking is for Manly Men!

Not to worry! A new revolutionary method of cooking has been created for men like you!

If cooking eggs makes you feel like a wimpy three legged dog, try our new egg products!

Man Eggs are not just one sad little egg. Oh no, they're four genetically mutated modified eggs in one, packed with enough proteins and vitamins to turn you into the hulk. There's so much man power in them that they're on fire! Making all the sissy work of cracking a thin shell a man's work. Feel the excessive and pointless fiery burn as you cook your morning manfest!

Are you tired of wearing your old woman's silly apron? Does it make you feel like feeding your dog one of your testicles?

We know the feeling all too well.

 There's a product for that! It's called the Manpron and is one of the toughest pieces of fabric on the market today.

 The Manpron is made from 100% shark fur. That's right. Shark fur. That's 300 pounds of fire resistant material weighing you down. It's equipped with fossilized baby Tyrannosaurus rex teeth to keep your Manpron from slipping and with four louoferringnese horns, the toughest, most deadly animal defense mechanisms to ever exist! If your cooking ever gets boring( we doubt it), just blow into one of the four louoferringnese horns for a surprise!

Manprons come in three awesome manly colors of your choice! No stupid artificial coloring here. All Manprons are made with 100% natural ingredients!

Do you hate lightly sprinkling salt over your tasty dishes with a puny little spoon? You won't anymore with the Salt Mincer! This device is specially made to extract your very own bodily salt using only the manliest method! Mincing! Simply smack the hell out of your self and the Salt Mincer will do all the rest, converting your blood into a tasty spice!

Bandaids are for little girls in pig tails.

Say it with pride, you man you.

Fear of Spiders No More?

I found this spider living behind my door, close to the floor. I thought it was kinda cute. It was one of those daddy long legs species, the one with the teeny tiny body and the really skinny legs. Which, according the the world's most accurate source of information, aren't actual spiders but arachnids. Still as nasty and creepy though.

So there was this giant terminator ant walking across my floor and well, I wasn't sure I wanted it to live, but I didn't want to kill it. This led to me giving it a good smack with my sandal. Then, it was just there, seemingly paralyzed in the middle of my floor. Then I remembered Rick(that's what I named the somewhat cute spider I found behind my door). I picked up the ant and put it in the web. Rick finished him off for me and rolled him up in his web.

Just then, I liked Rick a little more. Even though I wanted to kill him, I decided to let him live for a while.

Well, today I went to the mall, and when I got back, Rick was gone. Yeah, my mom killed him. It was a very sad moment for spiders everywhere, but just when I thought my arachnophobia had died along with Rick, one of those wild, outdoor spiders popped into my room and... I freaked.

Boyfriend killed him while I went to higher ground and screamed. Damn spiders.

I used to have another pet spider too. His name was Bob and he used to live near the bathroom sink. I would feed him every morning before school. Then, one day, I came home and Bob wasn't there. Damn my mother and her spring cleaning.

I'll never have a spider friend again.

All right, so I promise to quit the spider blogs for a while. Really, no more. But stay tuned! I have a great post planned for all of you that is sure to put a smile on your face.

I hope.

Random Blog Post

My friend was over yesterday and she demanded that I draw her something on my tablet. I really had no idea what to draw so I told her to tell me. She said "Draw a modern dinosaur" and I instantly thought of this...

Yes, a Tyrannosaurus rex at the movie theaters. It would seem they never properly assimilated into society...

I Hate Spiders: Part 2

When I got back from the dentist today, there was a goat in my backyard. Apparently we're taking care of it for some friends. Well, like any animal loving person, I went to go pet it. It was cute and furry and had this scared look on its face that said "I'm a goat. Don't hurt me."

So there I was, innocently petting a goat, leaning over a table in my backyard. No harm could come to me, right? Wrong. I walk back inside, go into the living room, and just stand there talking to my brother when out of nowhere, my spider senses begin to tingle and I am forced to look down at my knee. Do you know what I saw? I think you know what I saw. It was an evil yellow spider. Yellow is the color of death in the animal kingdom, I'll have you know.

I tried to calmly deal with the situation. First, I scraped it off my knee and onto the couch. Then I got a real good look at it and I started thinking "What if it laid eggs in my pants/knees?" So like a mad man, I ripped my pants right off and threw them on the ground. Yes, I was screaming the entire time. And yes, there were people in my house.

 I nearly ran out of my house in my underwear and would have if I hadn't thought it was my civic duty to have that spider killed. I called my mom. She came and smacked it with her hand. Her hand! And then she chased me out of the house with her palm sticking out at me, spider guts galore. She is a cruel woman sometimes.

Spiders are evil. All they want to do is lay eggs in you. It's true.

The Ice Cream Boss

For some reason, my dad would always give me 20 dollar bills when I was a kid. He didn't do this all the time. In fact, I usually had to beg him for money, do the puppy dog eyes, pout-y lips, the whole spiel. But when he did, I would always tell myself that I would spend it responsibly.

And then I heard that hypnotizing tune.

 Okay, fine. Ice cream "person"

As soon as that jingle hit our ears, my friends and I would run towards the jolly yum yum truck like a bunch of running bulls! The run was always one of the most exciting parts about ice cream. Nearly every kid in the neighborhood turned into professional athletes. I wasn't one of them...

Obviously, running isn't my thing.

Any 90's kid knows how cheap everything in the ice cream truck was. Most candy and chips were 25 cents or less. And the ice cream wasn't far off ever. I remember the most expensive thing being Luigi's Italian ice for a dollar. Yeah, buying that always made me feel special.

Well, when the ice cream was around, it wasn't about who was the fastest, or who could jump higher; It was all about who could buy the most junk. With 20 bucks, I could easily buy the most junk, and earn myself a little title I like to call "Ice Cream Boss."

The Ice Cream Man- Featuring me as the Ice Cream Boss

Yeah, I was like the mac daddy of frozen treats. All the kids, boys and girls, wanted me to be their sugah mama. Cause I had the green. I'd point at 10 or 20 things to buy and then I'd ask for a shopping bag. Yes, a shopping bag. You know what those are? Those are strictly for adults, that's what.

Now, I'd give away some to my good friends and skip all the way home, dying to throw my self on the couch, watch some cartoons, and eat my ice cream. Here is where my spending-20-dollars-on-ice-cream plan was somewhat flawed.

I walk in the door, bags in hand, looking adult, on the path to the couch when I am met by something unexpected...

Mom.

She'd scream and she'd yell. But then I would give her an ice cream; coconut bar, her favorite. Slowly, her fury would disappear and the creature would sink back into the abyss that is the kitchen. And so, my plan unfolds as it should. : D