So there I was, innocently petting a goat, leaning over a table in my backyard. No harm could come to me, right? Wrong. I walk back inside, go into the living room, and just stand there talking to my brother when out of nowhere, my spider senses begin to tingle and I am forced to look down at my knee. Do you know what I saw? I think you know what I saw. It was an evil yellow spider. Yellow is the color of death in the animal kingdom, I'll have you know.
I tried to calmly deal with the situation. First, I scraped it off my knee and onto the couch. Then I got a real good look at it and I started thinking "What if it laid eggs in my pants/knees?" So like a mad man, I ripped my pants right off and threw them on the ground. Yes, I was screaming the entire time. And yes, there were people in my house.
I nearly ran out of my house in my underwear and would have if I hadn't thought it was my civic duty to have that spider killed. I called my mom. She came and smacked it with her hand. Her hand! And then she chased me out of the house with her palm sticking out at me, spider guts galore. She is a cruel woman sometimes.
Spiders are evil. All they want to do is lay eggs in you. It's true.